Your First Arabic Lesson

Well, now that I've officially been on ABOT for 3 weeks, it's about time I impart on you all of the Arabic language that I have learned since arriving here.

We stand watch with 2-6 Iraqis on any given watch. 2-6? Why such disparaging numbers? Why the inconsistency? Because the only thing consistent when it comes to standing watch with them is that at any given time, SOMEONE is not there. From taking breaks for food, prayer (understandable), smoking, hanging outside, or found wandering around somewhere, at any give time, at least 1/2 of the watchstanders are MIA.  The best is when the interpreter also is gone so even if there IS an Iraqi watchstander, we just kinda look at each other because we can't communicate. I am good at hand motions but have learned that no amount of waving my hands makes them understand me.

We also have a Bahraini intrepreter named Jaz who in his free time, and by free time, I mean in the middle of watch, makes hundreds of these woven headbands. During his weeks off of ABOT, he claims that he sells them for 6 Bahraini Dinar (almost $20!) at his friend's wives' booth at a local market. This is great and all that he has a way to supplement the income paid to him by Uncle Sam, but really? Arts and Crafts? On watch? In a tactical war room? We put up with cards and books and magazines, but spreading a million brightly colors spools of thread out on the table does come across a tad on the unprofessional side.

I wish I could show you a picture of the inside the TOC, but unfortunately we can't because everything in there is classified as secret.  However, it is pretty funny because on the left side, where the stars & stripes hang,we have 3 rows of long tables/chairs. We consistently have 6 personnel on watch (all who work for the STWO).  Each watchstander has at least 2, if not three laptops that they monitor, multiple radar screens, multiple radios, and the front of the room has huge flatscreen radar repeaters, security cameras, UAV screen displays and status boards. It's just like the combat center on a ship, just a little dustier.  Then, on the right side of the room, next to the Iraqi flag hanging, you have 2 rows of desks, 2-6 watchstanders (depending on who feels like being there), 2 Vietnam-style secure field radios and 2 radios that bear a striking resemblance to CB radios. Oh, plus Jaz's arts and crafts. Looking around the right side of the room, my first thought is "hmm, we're gonna need a little more work before we're ready to turn this baby over!"

The most interesting (and by interesting, I mean worst) part of working with someone that you can't communicate with is the thought that is always in the back of your mind "what are they REALLY saying to them?" For example, I will ask a question that requires a simple yes or no response. The interpreter then turns to the Iraqi watchstander, they talk back and forth at a rapid pace for about 4 minutes, waving their hands and arguing. In my head I'm thinking "this is a yes or no question; why all the discusion?! What are you talking about?!"

However, we are slowly learning to understand them. It only took a few days to notice we kept hearing one phrase repeatedly on the radio- "Mark Wahlberg". I will use the Arabic "Mark Wahlberg" in a sentence for context:

Iraqi: "KAAOT, KAAOT, this is ABOT!"
Person on the radio: "ABOT ABOT, Mark Wahlberg! Mark Wahlberg"

Hmmm, you confused yet? Yeah, so were we. For the life of us, no one could figure out the connection between the 1990's B-List actor from such famed classics including: Planet of the Apes, The Perfect Storm, and Boogie Nights. How does this Mark Wahlberg, play into this?

So one day, we asked Jaz, our interpreter, "What does Mark Wahlberg" mean in Arabic? He looks at us totally confused, like we have 3 heads. "What do you mean, Mark Wahlberg- that doesn't mean anything in Arabic!

We're like, "Jaz, no really, you guys say it ALL the time!" Then we proceed to use it in the context previously stated. His response? "Oh! You mean Aaa-schmik Waaahlik? That is roughly translated to I copy you, or I understand, or Roger that"

OHHHH, suddenly this is making sense. After every radio transmission, the response "Mark Wahlberg" is suddenly making more sense. Except Jaz had pronounced it "Aaa-schmik Waaahlik" in a very heavy, thick Arabic accent. Then he proceeds to burst into laughter: "Mark Wahlberg, oh you crazy Americans," he says, "you cannot understand anything, you do not know how to pronounce this language- why do you say Mark Wahlberg??? It is pronounced Aaa-schmik Waaaahlik"

We were like "Jaz, we have NEVER EVER heard them pronounce it that way!!" Not 2 seconds later but the communications officer on watch could be heard shouting "yes yes Mark Wahlberg! MARK WAHLBERG!".... and it didn't sound ANYTHING like Aaa-schmik Waaahlik.

Mark Wahlberg is our new favorite phrase, hands-down the best mascot of Commander, Task Group- Iraqi Maritime. There's even a big graphic in the TOC (hanging up behind the American flag), which is a great 90's photo of MW, styled to look like a Command patch, with the words "I AM MARK WAHLBERG" around the top. Here's to you, Mark Wahlberg- clearly, an Iraqi icon!

So after that, we gave up on our Arabic. Clearly, we were missing something that could never be figured out.

So continuing this theme of MW, we move on to "A Perfect Storm", ABOT style. Some kind of crazy winds blew in from the desert and it is causing the seas and winds to be very strong.  This is great for a few reasons: 1) it is cooler, 2) you kinda feel like you are underway on a ship, perhaps steaming towards a foreign, exotic port (but alas, I woke up this morning, disappointed to find myself at 29 degrees, 41.51'N, 48 degrees, 35.55'E, exactly where I was when I went to sleep) and 3) because the little Middle Eastern dhows do not like to be out in this weather. Why is this good? Because these little seemingly harmless little boogers are the fishing vessels that enjoy trying to poke themselves into the 3,000M exclusion zone around the oil terminal. 99.9% of them are looking for the good fishing, but it's the bad .1% of "terrorist sponsored dhows" that we are out here protecting against. So it's great because fishing traffic is light and our watch is MUCH easier when the weather is bad. and 4) I'm not on a ship so I don't get seasick on ABOT when the seas pick up! What's a dhow, you ask? Fear not, loyal readers, for tomorrow I will teach you about these icons of Middle Eastern sea culture and trade.

Ok, the seas weren't as bad as pictured above, but more like this. While this is not particularly impressive to the experienced mariner, the sighting of white caps and motion like this here in the NAG is pretty incredible- it is normally COMPLETELY calm. It was hard to capture on film, but trust me, the seas look/sound like they are going to toss little old ABOT right up out of the water! The water is coming all the way up to those horizontal bars you see on top of the ones coming out from the water, and when it does, it shakes the ENTIRE platform!

The downside to this is that the Iraqi PB's (Patrol Boats) dislike operating in heavy seas.  So on watch, they requested that they go back home, because they didn't like the seas. Go back home? And leave the entire KAAOT oil terminal open and unprotected <2 nautical miles from Iranain territorial waters? Really? Seriously? Yeah... you're going to have to work on that... abandoning your post? That's not gonna fly so much when the Americans leave....

Our answer? Hell no- keep patrolling! So then 15 minutes later "We have an engine casualty, we think we have an engine casualty, maybe we should go home and see?"

Yeah, nice try, buddy, keep patrolling. Ahh yes, the cultural differences in military training and operations that makes us so different. Some people say "our differences is what makes life interesting"- I can tell you right now those people have never stood watch trying to teach Iraqi's how to protect their own assets. These differences make me want to pull my hair out sometimes!

Anyways. Back to my feet. Things are definitely getting better in the podiatry department. The top half of my toenail has decided to up and leave too. Leaving me with this:

Not gross at all, huh? Just- not there! I don't know how it can be infected, it's just GONE. I tell you though, its replacement is just a tad shy about coming back. I don't know if it will ever grow back- how am I going to explain that to the lady at the nail salon in Bahrain?!

It's been a full 3 weeks since the boots wrecked their initial havoc on my feet and I'm pleased to say, while I don't think the skin will EVER grow back, it is looking much better and I'm developing some lovely callouses that should hopefully start to do a better job protecting my feet. But don't worry, I'm not selling my stocks in Dr. Scholl's moleskin quite yet; I still apply a large piece daily!

Well, there is so much more to say but Dan is a ringing on my skype. Stay tuned later today and tomorrow for a lesson in Middle Eastern fishing vessels, my niece Alexandra's first Taekwondo championship and the 3-step process on how to fish in the North Arabian Gulf (just for you Aharon!)